Home Thoughts from Unknown Indians
Confined as we are,
Home bound in our human zoos
With lots and lots or, nothing to do
I thought there’d be nothing to lose
Discovering different their points of view -
About the present and future too;
Their choices… what they would do.
I was appalled by the quarantine order
Since I’m a chronic handbag hoarder
Just the day before Louis Vuitton called
Informing me “Please collect from UB Mall”
Now, I’ve reacted with a depressive disorder!
Forty days my new Porsche 911 is rotting in the basement
Wrapped in its polytetraflouroethylene encasement
I ask you… “What harm if my success wears a crown
Driving through town… hood down?
Our egos too need an ointment.
This deadly diet of quiet brought me to the brink
My brain got fried, just listening to me think
There was total silence… I heard nothing!
Then I did hear …it was my stomach growl.
Talking about diet…there isn’t a moment’s quiet
With internet reverberation about workouts ...
Meditation being the final solution.
Fitness fanatics pleading you to ‘sign up’
To begin your inner transformation.
Not true! No thank you!
When I’m not watching Netflix
Most therapeutic is a snooze or, snackout.
Jeez H Christ…forty plus days no bloody smokes
No alcohol but mouthwash!
Imagine my misery? Also, no drink
Surviving on fruit squash.
I felt my life draining down the sink.
An efficacious cure for boredom
Is a daily dose of voyeurism
So, 24/7 I’m ‘logged in’ Facebook
To discover what friends cook
Their pouting pets, gardens with roses
Their book collections…other predilections
A Peeping Tom into their personalities
And of course, updates on Corona fatalities.
For forty years, I fantasized a foursome
These forty days I went on Tinder...
Just look at my luck
I found Brinda, Lucinda and Rajinder
Also dying of boredom… cursing the lock down,
Excited! … the waiting has been lonesome!
What a nightmare!
Working from home fighting for bandwidth
Screaming, “Aww shit, my net has dropped” In different rooms, on different calls.
Fortunately, we only meet in the kitchen
At the microwave, when we need to eat.
Have you any idea what it’s like
To manage house – No! you can’t count on the spouse -
Without a maid?
What splendid irony, I’m working twice as hard
In absentia, she’s getting paid!
I look at piles of dishes, I woosh they’d disappear
Sweeping and swabbing is great for my glutes
But leaves me pining for a beer!
I miss zig zagging creating disruption,
On the wrong side of roads
For road rules I give a toss!
No one listens if there’s no honking boss
You must be right even when you’re wrong
That tells them they’re weak, show you as strong.
Me too! I’m staring at empty roads…
KTM dying for a spin
Terrorizing the neighbourhood
Doing wheelies – breaking the sound barrier-
I wanna yell “I’m a Corona carrier!”
With zero traffic anywhere in town
They’re thrilled that CO2 is down.
What joy! Particulate matter is less.
Idiots! They don’t realise its pollution
That’s what would have killed the virus!
Now, what’s the point of clean air
If I’m breathing through a mask? Do they think about the economy
Going up in smoke?
That I might get a pink slip…
Worst of all I’m nearly broke!
What’s all this talk about common good
If I don’t have a livelihood?
To those thrilled they see the Himalayas
From home on a clear day.
I say, “Get back to work, do us a favour,
You can see it anytime on your screen saver.
Flamingos… dolphins…. how terrific!
They’re already on National Geographic
So, what if Ganga is cleaner, water fit to drink
I’ve been brought up on Bisleri before I began to think.
These migrant workers call themselves patriotic
Deserting the economy; walking home is idiotic!
Halting work on building sites just isn’t right
These miscreants! Blunting India’s economic might
What about my Investments in a dozen flats?
Just imagine my plight! Please think of that.
Screw these workers let them go home
They’ll be the ones to starve…
What is it they contribute? What is it they have?
We’ll ‘Make In India’ a new future
Carved out with tech and A.I.
Nature and diseases, dare not us defy
We’ll place robots on assembly line.
Blame consumerism…Blame Globalization
The system’s fine ... why do we need to change?
Self-reliance requires the arrogance of science!
The threat most immense is these deranged minds
With their Tsunami of common sense.
The human is not what he used to be
He’s in dire need of improvements
Hence, it’s time to replace natural stupidity
With Artificial Intelligence!
Yeah!
If these battle with SARS too long continue
And prove a pain in the arse
That’s cool … we’ll cut our losses
Pack our bags…dump Planet Earth
And move with Musk to muck up Mars!
©2020Ranjan Kamath
Comments